ow me gums

I went to the dentist today. Upon entering the treatment room I discovered that my nice lady dentist had been mysteriously replaced by a hulking great Russian who promptly set about my mouth with a pick-headed axe before vigorously sanding down my teeth and gums with an orange flavoured paste of ground glass and hot gravel.

As I staggered to my feet to leave, blinking grit from my watering eyes, he turned to me and bellowed in a stern, monotone Russian accent:

"DON'T FORGET TO FLOSS"

Suddenly, the penny dropped. I looked directly into his glowing red eyes and nodded solemnly, communicating my acknowledgment of the grave responsibility that had been bestowed upon me. The room fell silent, save for the gentle creaking of his battered leather jacket. I left without a backwards glance.

My dentist is an unstoppable humanoid cyborg sent back through time to ensure my teeth remain intact at all costs. In the future, I will be required to eat something extremely important in order to save all humanity.

I hope it's cake.

knit one, purl FUN (not my words, the words of Simply Knitting magazine)

Get a load of this! I am in Simply Knitting magazine. The back page, no less. That's the magazine equivalent of the back seat of the bus, where the driver can't see you messing about and stuff.

Thanks Simply Knitting Magazine! You have almost inspired me to make something new. Considering I haven't actually finished a single thing this year, that can only be a good thing.

10 wonderful knitted movie characters (not my words, the words of totalfilm.com)

OK, I'm sorry for not bragging about this earlier, but TADA!

10 Wonderful Knitted Movie Characters.

Thanks Total Film! You're way better than Empire magazine.

It took me 15 minutes to log into my blog, as I had forgotten both my username and password. Then I had to guess the unfathomable nonsense anti-spam verification word about 40 times (granhanks? crobnatch?). This is the virtual equivalent of hacking my way blindly & relentlessly through a thick forest, so you're lucky I'm here at all.

While you're here, feast your eyes on just a fraction of my windowbox produce this year. I am currently cultivating a glut of peppers, which may make their way into some hot pepper sauce, if I don't eat them all first.

a fake Polaroid of some tomatoes growing on my windowledge, yesterday