Tuesday, November 10, 2009

ow me gums

I went to the dentist today. Upon entering the treatment room I discovered that my nice lady dentist had been mysteriously replaced by a hulking great Russian who promptly set about my mouth with a pick-headed axe before vigorously sanding down my teeth and gums with an orange flavoured paste of ground glass and hot gravel.

As I staggered to my feet to leave, blinking grit from my watering eyes, he turned to me and bellowed in a stern, monotone Russian accent:


Suddenly, the penny dropped. I looked directly into his glowing red eyes and nodded solemnly, communicating my acknowledgment of the grave responsibility that had been bestowed upon me. The room fell silent, save for the gentle creaking of his battered leather jacket. I left without a backwards glance.

My dentist is an unstoppable humanoid cyborg sent back through time to ensure my teeth remain intact at all costs. In the future, I will be required to eat something extremely important in order to save all humanity.

I hope it's cake.


  1. It's cake that got you into that mess!!

  2. I went to the dentist for the first time in three years last week. I think my dentist may be a clone of yours...

  3. I too went to the dentist today to hand over a copious amount of dosh for the pleasure of a sore neck and to stop my tongue trying to excavate what was left of a deep cavity. Had a few too many toffee's over Easter and the last one was unusually crunchy! £200 for a filling.......aaaargh!

    My mate sent me a link to your blog as I create wooly wotzits too. Incidentally he was Simon Pegg's double in the movie and also played one of the zombies.

    Love your work.