Tuesday, October 03, 2006

evil postman

For some reason, the postman refuses to put things in my outside mailbox. In fact, he has taken to buzzing the intercom to announce the arrival of even the smallest of packages. It goes like this:

(8.37 am) BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!

Me: (shambleshambleshamble) "Hello?"

Evil Postman: "Hello........Hannah Simpson?"

Me: "Yep"

Evil Postman: "Yeah, I've got a small packet for you. It'll fit through the letterbox though."

Me: (in my mind) "Well if it will fit through the bloody letterbox, then why don't you just put it in my MAILBOX and stop waking me up in what is, technically, still the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT you freakin IDIOT? Jesus."

Me: (out loud) "Ok then - thanks" (shuffles off back to bed)

Thanks? THANKS FOR WHAT? Dammit! The evil postman knows that he has the upper hand in this situation, because under NO CIRCUMSTANCES must you make the postman cross, otherwise he will unceremoniously fling your post into a river. He knows it, and I know it, and I know that he knows that I know it. The evil postman could parade through my bedroom every morning with a marching band in tow, and I would still thank him on his way out. He is playing me like a tambourine, and I am powerless to stop him. I mean, what's going to be next? This?:

(8.37 am) BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!

Me: (shambleshambleshamble) "Hello?"

Evil Postman: "Hello........Hannah Simpson?"

Me: "Yep"

Evil Postman: "Yeah, I haven't got anything for you today"

Me: "Ok then, thanks"

Evil Postman: "See you tomorrow"

7 comments:

  1. My evil postie doesn't arrive until after two pm. so if something spiffy arrives, I have to wait until saturday and queue with the pensioners in the post office to pick it up.
    Except when it's raining really hard. Then he'll leave it to soak in my back garden until I get home that night.
    Curse his cotton socks!

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  2. lucky! I'd kill for a lazy postman. mine's rampantly enthusiastic.

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  4. I had an evil postie at uni who managed to fold a limited edition cd in half to make it fit through our postbox. It was a Reef CD mind so he was probably doing me a favour...

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  5. You better pray that he doesn't come across your blog because if he does, you may find yourself being awoken tomorrow by the sound of a marching band. You need a recording of a nasty sounding dog - play when he calls and that'll stop him.

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  6. well, my postman just stole a dressing gown off me..

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  7. One of the reasons we built a covered porch (when we had to rebuild it 'cause it was falling apart) was because our postwoman would just leave things on the porch. Raining, sunny (gotta love getting candy and having it melt all in the box), it didn't matter. I think it's a conspiracy... they're working under a hive mind...

    "Don't bring them the yarn they need to finish a project that she only has a few more rows on."

    "Only bring them half the books they ordered.. and then tell them they have to pick it up Monday"

    Moohahaha!

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