Thursday, September 14, 2006

girlie test - part II

I have trapped a huge spider under a mug. It took me 10 seconds of deep breathing to summon the courage to lunge forth and deposit the mug on top. Then I did that dance, where you hop from foot to foot, limply flapping your hands at chest level. I did the very same dance the time I trod on a dead blue tit that the cat had brought in, in my bare feet.

There's no way I'm going near it again, so it will have to stay there until morning. It's a glass mug. I watched it going mental in there for a bit, but it now it's just sitting there. Or standing, I can't tell. It looks mad. I think it might be plotting something. I have to keep looking at it every 30 seconds to make sure it hasn't lifted the mug up with its razor sharp mandibles. There was a bit of tea left in the mug, so at least it's got something to drink. Do spiders drink tea?

This is no good. I'm going to have to go to bed, where I shall lie awake and worry about spiders going in my ears while I'm asleep, and controlling my mind like those ear-worms in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. Then I shall eventually drift off into a restless and uneasy sleep until a MAN can come along & save the day. Result: FAIL.

8 comments:

  1. One time I came back from the loo, at night, in the dark.....I felt a crunch underfoot....I figured it was some small boy paraphenalia left in our room...in the morning there was a GIANT FAT bodied spider all mashed on the carpet.


    Just don't let this one near anything that could amplify it's telepathic thoughts that will be calling for re-inforcements...or the phone.

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  2. Bloody spiders, eh? I found another huge one this morning all curled up and dead right in front of the mirror on the floor in my bedroom. My guess is that he tried to have sex with himself and then died shortly after. What a loser.

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  3. there's a daddy longlegs on your head. no really..

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  4. Yeah, thanks..I ACTUALLY freaked out a bit then. I'm gonna start wearing a beekeepers outfit soon.

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  5. well, i was just at my gran and grandad's, and i went in the loo and a daddy longlegs FLEW IN MY EAR..serves me right for trying to trick you..

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  6. Thanks for the bday card it were right cool! but it did make me wonder, what are your thoughts on spiderman as a force for good, given the nature of this thread and your fear of said arachnids?

    ps i promise to help spastics as instructed on the envelope.

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  7. Hmmmmmm..... since spiderman uses his spider powers for good, and doesn't actually look like a spider, then technically I suppose he's OK in my book.

    Now if we were talking about MANSPIDER it would be a different matter altogether. A huge bearded spider with enhanced man powers....I imagine he would be constantly trapping himself in a glass and hurling himself out of the window. Manspider. Yeahhhh.

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