Wednesday, April 19, 2006


As far as I'm concerned, the 1980's was truly the golden age of home computing. No need to worry about your computer getting in with the wrong crowd and going off the rails, or hooking up with other computers behind your back and conspiring to fuck you over. No! You merely brainwashed that bad boy into submission with a few minutes of whiny tape-recorded noise, and (eventually, if you were lucky) you were away.
In the first few months following our family's procurement of a Sinclair ZX81, we hammered out game after silent game of Tower Of Hanoi, Racetrack and Chase, blissfully unaware of what lay in wait. Because the emergence of a 16K RAM pack brought with it an advancement in 3D gaming technology that would chill me to the very core. Oh yeah. I'm talking about 3D Monster Maze.


Nothing in my previous gaming experience had even remotely prepared me for the overwhelming fear this game instilled in me. It went like this; as you roamed the maze in search of escape, Rex would hunt you down, his status indicated on screen with ominous shouty caps messages. HE HAS SEEN YOU. RUN! HE IS BEHIND YOU! Oh Jesus, no!
By the time you clapped eyes on him it was too late, as he smashed through the TV screen, bursting your skull like a ripe melon with his powerful jaws and ripping your face to bloody shreds in a final, merciful act of sweet relief from the unbearable suspense.
All of which leads me to a confession. Having received a copy of Resident Evil 4 for my birthday last week, the disc has yet to make it into the machine. I am too scared to put it on. Having soldiered my way through the first three (I skipped Code: Veronica) I am more than qualified to kick this game's ass. But instead it has struck the first blow with its powerful, insurmountable hurdle of dread. And so the game is already afoot. Now that's what I call value for money.


  1. I remember a similar game that involved ghosts and knights. Scared the piss out of me every time, but god how I loved to play it.

    The Nintendo games Willow and Friday the Thirteenth were also terrifying.


    I was always the champion

  3. none of these games have anything on dizzy!!

    ps.. look i am here! i did it! hurrah etc.

  4. Definitely play RE4... I hadn't really touched the series since beating RE1 on the Playstation... and was simply amazed at how friggin' fun and even scary this game was at points.

    A word of caution, though. When you get to the island and start going into the labaratory- you had better be sure your bowels are already cleared out. I ended up playing this section alone at night- in the dark- and in surround sound (of course!) and the new enemy characters that are introduced here had me crying for my mommy. I've watched a LOT of horror films in my time, and am very seldom scared... but this mofo of a game had me all hesitant to get near the power button to turn the damn thing off. Of course I have since gone back and played this section over and over again either to
    a) prove that I'm not a sissy boy
    b) program my subconscious with ample images of me KILLING those fucking things instead of being killed BY them.

    I played the GameCube version, BTW. I'm assuming the PS2 version manages to be just as scary. Cheers!

  5. hahahaha. brilliant. I remember those well. Personally I had the BBC Micro, and before that an Acorn Electron.
    The BBC Micro was actually used to display the CBBC logo in the broom cupboard......and it wasnt recorded either... it was broadcast in realtime!!

    Amazing stuff.