So, my front bike tyre has developed an unsightly, not to mention dangerous, hernia. The tyres on my bike are almost completely bald. They are, like, 25 years old or something. I had been holding out on buying new ones because I wanted some original Raleigh Grifter tyres, but it's looking like I'm gonna have to get myself some cheapo BMX tyres to tide me over. I have already compromised my bike's historical integrity by fitting it with new and inauthentic brake blocks. Don't tell anyone.
Me and my bike have been together for a year. In that time we have had many adventures. There was that time it slipped out of gear and I smashed my kneecap into the handlebars and had to get off and sit down for a bit until I stopped feeling funny. Then there was that time we went on a LONG ride up some very steep hills and then just as we were getting ready to come back I got a puncture and we had to walk back down instead of gaily hurtling down at 40mph as was the original plan. Then last week, during a thunderstorm of biblical proportions, I misjudged a kerb and careered through the air, dashing myself on the wet gravelly pavement. Upon impact I expelled a surprising noise, like a kicked bagpipe. Yep, I love my bike.
Yet despite this, once again my eye has been wandering. You might want to sit down or something, because LOOK AT THIS:
Woah. The Raleigh Vektar. The bike of choice for overprivileged 80's kids. The one in this picture sold on eBay recently for £36. £36!!!! I am in love with this bike. I MUST have one. You see, this Battlestar Galactica beauty not only LOOKS like a bike you might ride around on in space, it sports some futuristic Knight Rider technology in the form of THIS control panel:
According to the spiel on this eBay sale, the onboard computer features elapsed time, distance travelled, speed and maximum speed achieved. Optional add-ons include a Computer Module accessory pack (trip meter, speedo) Radio Accessory pack (3 preset AM stations) and - OH MY GOD - Sound Synthesiser with 8 built in digital sounds, paddle, shifter and speakers.
And so my obsession begins. You see, in my mind, this bike can go up to 300mph. It is equipped with a bullet and flame resistant protective shell. It can drive itself, and has the ability to jam electronic signals. It has auto-pursuit & auto collision avoidance, radar, sonar and x-ray surveillance capabilities and is programmed never to take a human life.
Dear God, if you can fix it for me to find one of these in a skip I promise to spend 4 hours a week on a crusade to champion the cause of the innocent, the helpless and the powerless, in a world of criminals who operate above the law. Mint condition please, and it has to have that synthesiser.