Monday, November 29, 2004

i'll kill my own flies, thanks...

Spiders - stop coming into my fucking house.
It was bad enough that we had that fortnight of visitations from spiders SO BIG that Rick O'Shea (yes, I know that's not his name but I find it amusing) would have been crapping his pants and standing on a chair tucking his trousers into his socks. One of them even made a nest in my cafetiere.
Then, last week, I see something on top of the drawers in our bedroom and I think what's that? and then like a fucking idiot I'm touching it WITH MY FINGER and thinking I hope this isn't a dead spider but OF COURSE it's a dead spider and I am forced to shriek and seek manly assistance whilst holding my finger aloft in the manner of someone who has had their finger run over by a car, or something. For hours I was thinking this is the finger that touched a spider. My finger still feels funny. Ugh.
Spiders, take note. If you are more than 1.5 inches in diameter, and you come near me, and I see you, and I am in the house on my own, I WILL HOOVER YOU UP. I don't care.
Oh and people, don't try and lecture me about how great spiders are for the environment, because I will hoover you up as well. I have had them in my environment and they were no good for it at all.

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